just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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