Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
