dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
