It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
