why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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