Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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