That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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