Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
