Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
