we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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