Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
