She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
