i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize