Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
