There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
