If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
