Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize