i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
