How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
