but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
