its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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