we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
