She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
