I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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