They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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