Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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