Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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