wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
