Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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