I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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