He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
