Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
