I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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