I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
