I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
