Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
