I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
