And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
