Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
