Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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