would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
