look no pants
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize