Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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