scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
