he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
