The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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