Im at strip club and am horny
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
