put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
