going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
