if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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