I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
