he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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