My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
