i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
