Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
