i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
