All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
