i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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