just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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