I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
