OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
