My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
