I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
