I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
