She is in my trunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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