Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
