i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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