I cockslap morals
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
