but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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