she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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