Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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